BEWARE OF THE PLANTS!

First, they need LIGHT to produce energy from Chlorophyll. They instinctively turn TOWARD a light source to receive the sun's nurturing rays. I have noticed that even cut flowers, like the roses that my husband brings me for my birthday or our anniversary, try to turn to face the sunny side of wherever I have placed the arrangement. Houseplants are the same, and I try to keep them turned to continually receive the light coming in through the larger windows. This past Christmas I received the gift of an Amaryllis bulb in a brass-toned container. At this stage it looked like a giant onion, but the instructions that came with it said to keep it "moist but not wet". So I placed it on the bay window in the kitchen after adding the first water. I placed it strategically BEHIND THE CURTAINS where it could get the morning sun but NOT catch the attention of my Siamese cat. "Sanchez" loves greenery, and in his quest for salads he consumed an entire Jade Plant right down to the roots! Thus I had to provide protective shelter for the Amaryllis bulb in case it decided to grow into more than just a big onion. And over the past few weeks, long green LEAVES have started erupting from the bulb. This is good news for me in that the onion is growing. But it might be bad news if Sanchez makes his inquisitive patrol over the counter tops and hops over onto the window sill where he could see the green. I have not taken the brass pot out of the window sill and have tried to add the water when he is not around and remember to pull the curtains closed. So far, so good.

Most people would think of "plant aggression" as what Venus Fly Traps do when they lure an insect into their acid blooms and devour it. If I could be sure that Venus would attract and eat Stink Bugs, I would get one. Even in the cold of January, we still have those pesky insects. But would Sanchez see his next snack and have his tongue burned? Could that discourage him from adding salads to his menu? Yet many types of plants, notably weeds, become aggressors in the wild.

When we moved here a dozen years ago, the owner had planted a type of tree that has defied identification by plant-savvy neighbors and even the Internet. This tree produces copious berries in the fall, which are sought by hungry birds. When a branch falls from their weight and frantic activity, other animals can reach it to feed. My Shih Tzu's have discovered these berries and have eagerly eaten them, too. (Maybe I should bring some in for Sanchez?) There were actually three of these trees in the original landscaping. But they were an ambitious species and reproduction was high on their to-do list, so now there are more of these mystery trees growing around the property. In fact they have staged hostile takeovers of other landscape plantings and one asserted itself into a Spirea bush next to the driveway. Both plants were still alive as of last summer, but a tree can grow upward over a bush and keep it from getting sunlight. I had planted Spirea back in New Jersey, and their full sun locations produced scads of lovely white flowers. The bush here at Tangled Oaks seems to be fighting for its life.

More recently the ivy that adorns our house has decided that the cold weather is not to its liking, and it has decided to MOVE INDOORS, literally. My husband is a darling and a whiz with all things computer, but he is not a carpenter. This becomes evident when he attempts to install new doors. Try as he might, there was a miniscule gap in the space where a storm door was put in to replace one that did not "seal tight" against the air. This gap was discovered by the ivy, and in its subtle investigation of the new portal, entry was achieved. Now in the hall at the end of the house, an ivy strand nearly 3 feet long projects out of the door and into the room! It is touching the ceiling, and I suspect it is searching for a surface that will accept the tendrils that hold it onto the brick outside. Surely this is a new interpretation of "house plant". But can Sanchez find a way to access the ceiling?

People have accused me of having a "warped imagination", but recently I have seen evidence of someone in the advertising business that has one as well. In an ad for a food product on TV, a boy is seated at a table with his breakfast when a branch from the evergreen tree outside the nearby window reaches in and takes a piece of the food! Was this a hint that it needed to be fertilized? Or was it just a good ad gimmick? Anyhow, when my hands were better than they are now, I did a page of cartoons about plants. My husband thought I was crazy, but now he's seen that I'm NOT! My drawings predated by decades what is currently on TV. You decide if I am a candidate for an asylum. Meet "Phil" odendron: