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When the calendars turned the page from 1999 to 2000, people went crazy for all kinds of reasons: first it was the beginning of a NEW CENTURY; second it had metaphysical meanings to some of the philosophers of olden times; and on a more immediate level it meant that everyone's checkbooks would have to be updated to get rid of the first numbers "19__". This phenomenon became known as "Y2K", meaning that things that depended on having the year begin with "19" were in grave danger. First among these things were what run our daily lives: computers! Because they interpreted the new century as "1900" instead of "2000", unimaginable things went dreadfully awry. Babies born at hospitals were recorded as being a century old already. Drivers' licenses were issued to centenarians. Newly married couples could date their anniversaries back to before they were even born, and tax bills were now past due for over 100 years.
Eventually society adjusted to the 21st century, and fixes were made to newly recorded history and computers with the evil intent of HAL in "2001, a Space Odyssey" were reprogrammed to reflect their gentler nature. Daily life proceeded with just minor glitches that provided late night comedians with fodder for their jokes. Watching old movies with the introduction of "20th Century Fox" reminded us of the incredibly swift passage of time, and comic strips picked up the phrase "that's so 20th century". Used cars that were manufactured before 2000 made us realize how old they were and how old WE were. The daily newspaper at Tangled Oaks, The Express-Times, chose to make a compact listing of the previous ten years, choosing major items that would jog readers' memories. These included:
This of course is only a partial listing of events cited in the article. There were many more, some pleasant and others sad, to bring back the past ten years. Another article in the same newspaper looked at the MOVIES that were memorable during that time. A partial list includes:
There is much more in that article that would remind movie buffs of the films and the times they played, but that is for some other time. Dave Barry never fails to amuse me with his brisk and sometimes irreverent humor. Month by month he launches his assault on the year 2009 and the problems (and the people he feels caused them) that it presented. To begin, he takes a swipe at the bigger issues, like the economy which in most peoples' opinion has the same fate as the Titanic, and the wars in countries started by the usual suspects (Islamic terrorists). He bemoans the "downward spiral of the newspaper industry" which necessitates the passing along of news by means of social networking. (Who says "tweeting" is for the birds?) But to be fair he counters bad news with good, as follows: regarding the popular idea of Change that brought Barach Obama into office, "Washington, rejecting 'business as usual', finally stopped trying to solve every problem by throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at it and instead started trying to solve every problem by throwing trillions of taxpayer dollars at it." I feel better already, don't you? JANUARY: An enormous crowd gathers to watch/gawk at the first African (though he won't admit it) American president. The Chief Justice botches his speech and the entire thing has to be re-done days later so that there can be no doubt as to the legitimacy of office. The matter of Illinois governor Ron Blagojevich is likened to an exterminator eliminating ferrets (I recommend reading the comic "Get Fuzzy" for more on ferret removal). The one saving grace of January is the amazing rescue of a plane full of passengers by the pilot Chesley Sullenberger who landed his ailing plane on the Hudson River and did it with no loss of human life. FEBRUARY: As the US Economy continues to be sucked into quicksand, the president begins his amazing program of Kill the Clunkers. This program is based on the idea that if he does something totally ridiculous it will take people's minds off what is really NOT happening, namely economic improvement. Like the Romans under Caesar, get the Plebeians to watch slaves try to avoid being clawed to death by tigers rather than let them see that the only definite result of the Clunker program was that a lot of big cars were being mutilated in the name of saving the country. MARCH: The biggest story is that of Bernard Madoff who swindles investors out of $65 billion in his Ponzi scheme making them MAD AS hell. Part of his punishment, besides life in prison, is confiscation of his $7 million apartment, his yachts, and the loss of his possible nomination as Secretary of Commerce. Oh darn. APRIL: Swine flu sweeps the country while Chrysler declares bankruptcy. Somali pirates kidnap a US Captain who is later rescued by the Navy Seals. Could those pirates have failed because they were not wearing "guy liner"? MAY: Making waves is the nomination to the Supreme Court of Sonia Sotomayor, whom Barry says is the Democrat's view as a "cross between Abraham Lincoln and the Virgin Mary" while the Republicans see her as "Ursula the Sea Witch". No wonder General Motors went bankrupt in May as well. JUNE: The biggest story is the death of pop singer Michael Jackson, first of "natural causes", then of a heart attack, then finally of murder by his personal physician. This news stretched out well into the summer, added to by the news of Jackson relatives fighting over the money. The governor of South Carolina insists that he was "missing" because he was "hiking the Appalachian Trail" when in fact he was in Argentina with his mistress. For shame! JULY: The Cash for Clunkers program is sold to the American public as a way to rescue the auto industry by destroying large American made cars and replacing them with smaller foreign models. Haven't we been doing this already on our own? AUGUST: President Obama learns that his health care plan is not such a big success outside of Washington and coins a new description of it as being "all wee-weed up". That may have been better applied to Hillary Clinton as she watched her husband be tapped by Obama to rescue two American journalists from North Korea instead of doing the job herself. Billy always did have a way with the girls. SEPTEMBER: The high point of this month for Republicans came when Republican Congressperson Joe Wilson shouted "you lie!" while Obama was presenting his health care program. This feeling carried through to Obama's back to school speech for children which many parents chose to have their kids ignore. OCTOBER: This feeling of rejection was heightened when the International Olympic Committee, meeting in Demark, didn't choose Chicago as the site for the Winter Olympics. In spite of ignoring the policy of attempting to minimize emissions, the president, his wife, and others flew to Denmark to try to persuade the International Olympic Committee to let Chicago host the summer games in 2010. No luck. The games will be in RIO! NOVEMBER: Tiger Woods, everybody's BOY WHO MADE GOOD, was caught having trysts with not one but numerous ladies as he swung his way into golfing fame. Tsk, tsk. That was a big no-no, and it will cost you your big house, your wife, your children, and your reputation. DECEMBER: Copenhagen hosted a huge international conference on halting manmade global warming. Obama decided to solve the Afghanistan problem by sending over 30,000 more US troops. Since this is my article, I took the liberty of touching up Dave Barry's column just slightly, but the message is basically all his. His thoughts are essentially my thoughts as well, and if sarcasm and humor can help us get through the next three years, all the better. Let's face it-we need SOMETHING! Just Mom |
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