"DEAR" Season

Living in an open area certainly has its benefits: lovely views, neighbors farther apart than 30 feet, farms and fields. But there are also some drawbacks to rural life, the #1 being the allowance of HUNTING. From the first day of December the sound of shotguns is everywhere. The target is deer, and I know we have lots of them. In fact they come onto our property to browse the trees in the orchard, and at least one neighbor has seen them doing just that. Our immediate neighbors are not hunters; in fact they gather fallen fruits to take to wildlife rescue locations. No, the hunters are semi-local yahoos who think it is a sport to take the lives of innocent creatures. People have argued that when there are too many deer for the amount of land to graze or forage, they would die of starvation. I suppose that is true in some cases. But having lived where deer would come into my yard, I am more inclined to side with the wildlife. My husband, knowing my feelings about hunting, bought me computer game years ago in which a cartoon deer was the hunter venturing forth to bag himself a human!

However today's article is not about "DEER", but rather about the many letters that find their way into our mailbox and even our Email box and begin auspiciously with "DEAR…" Some of these are simply form letters soliciting contributions to charities and local non profit organizations. I realize that this is a necessary effort to keep them alive. Some are written much better than others (I used to write fund raising materials for such groups years ago, and I knew what buttons to hit to bring the cash in). Others are from politicians and/or political parties looking for support (by way of dollars) of their worthiness. There are some which, no matter how poorly written, I save with the intention of making a donation when I can. Others are purely "junk mail" and hit the trash immediately. But the real gems of junk are in Email. They have become so frequent that I have started a file on my desktop labeled "SCAM/FRAUD". Let me share some of them with you (in italics).

My Dear Friend, that I never met
I am happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the co-operation of a new partner from Paraguay.Although you might find it difficult to remember me, since it has indeed been a very long time.However, I am much elated and privileged to contact you again after this long time.While it takes faith and courage to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratitude to them inspite of circumstances that may have disrupted our transaction ultimately not to work out as we projected.Nevertheless, I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursuing then together, finally worked out by the infinite mercy of GOD Almighty and I've decided to contact you,just

Talk about run on sentences!

GREETINGS MY BELOVED IN CHRIST.

GREETING IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I AM MRS GLORY BROWN, A WIDOW TO LATE THOMAS BROWN. I AM 70 YEARS OLD, I AM A NEW CHRISTAIN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THAE BREAST, FROM ALL INDICATION MY CONDITIONS IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WON'T LIVE MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS, THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS KILLED DURING THE U.S. RAID AGAINST TERRORISM IN AFGHANISTAN, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE COULD'NT PRODUCE ANY CHILD.MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.

THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN SIX MONTHS, SO I NOW DECIDED TO DEVIDE THE PART OF THIS WEALTH, TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHURCH IN AMERICA ASIA, AND EUROPE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING WEB SITE AND I PRAYED OVER IT. I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $12,000.000.00 U.S DOLLARS, TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THIS FUND IS LYING IN A BANK IN NIGERIA.I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY,WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL BE USED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE, BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY. YOU CAN GET BACK TO ME AT:glorybwn1@gmail.com

YOURS IN CHRIST, MRS BROWN

One of the first things to look at in SPAM mail is the spelling and grammar, which are usually incorrect. Religion is another attempt to hook you into their ploy. I would personally NEVER VISIT THE WEB SITE SINCE DOING THAT MIGHT GET ME INTO TROUBLE.

My Dear Human and Creation of God,

Greetings to you in the name of our heavenly God. This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind,but please, consider it as a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility. My name is MR MARCUS BLUM I'm a 49 years old man,living in EUROPE,Though an American. I was a merchant and i owned two businesses in Dubai.

I was also married,with two children. My wife and my two children died in a september 11,plane bomb blast that happen in USA 6years ago. Before this happened my business and my concern for making money was all my interest as A living man. I never really cared about other values in life. But since i lost of my family, I have found a new desire to assist helpless families.

I have been helpingorphans in orphanage/ motherless homes. I have donated some money to orphans in Sudan,Nigeria,Cameroon, Brazil,Spain, Austria,Japan ,Germany and some Asian countries. Before I became ill, I kept $18.5 Million in a long-term deposit account in a SECURITY/FINANCE COMPANY.

Presently, I'm in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for oesophageal cancer. I have since lost my ability to talk and my Doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live,listen carefully my My Dear, I Will not last Long again, if i talk to you on Phone you wil understand me, It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations. Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.

Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me collect the deposit and the interest accrued from the company and distribute it amongst charity homes and poor & needy in your country. Use your judgement to distribute the money and feel free to reimburse yourself when you have the money for any cost you incure during the process of collecting and distributing the money to Hurricane Katrina victims in USA ,Charity organisations,and motherless babies homes.

I am been Open to you now, you will use all the funds for all i have directed you and asked you to do, but you will get 20% of the funds and they are state like this. You will take 5 % for all the Expenses you will make in getting the Funds and you will take 15% for your own share of the total funds, when the funds had been transferred to you. So my brother and Sister in Christ and as a human being who has the love of the needles, motherless home and even to Good ideas and encouragement and togetherness of making our various country and society well.

I'm willing to offer you a reward If you are willing to help,May the good Lord bless you and your family. Kindly reply me back if you are interested and fully capable, just give it a try and you will never regret responding back to me and taking this as your task to help our homes and world. Email: Marcussickman@gmail.com

Yours Faithfully,

Mr.Marcus Blum

Just look at this mess. My computer has done some editing, but I had foreign students who wrote better letters than this. Should I be flattered to be addressed as a "human and creation of God"? Was he expecting a clone?

From: Continental Bank Plc
Subject: ARE YOU DEAD OR ALIVE?

I have a new email address! You can now email me at: continentalbnkplc4@yahoo.com

- Attention:Beneficiary,My name is Dr.Anderson James, manager of this bank.Recently,one mr Allen Joe Walker came to my office to let us know that you are dead and before you died,you instructed/assigned him to claim your funds in the tune of us$6.2million that was long abandoned in your name.So here comes the big question:(1)Did you assign/instruct mr Allen Joe Walker to claim your funds?(2)Are you truely dead?If no, you are hereby advised as a matter of urgency to reconfirm the details of this message/mail within 24hours hence,your fund in the tune of us$6.2million will be wired/transferredinto his account without any further delay.Lastly,you are advised to reconfirm the details of this message and get back to us immediately with the information below:

Full Name................Telephone Number...............Fax..............Mobile Number..........Residential Address........................Age............Marital Status..............Occupation....................Business Type................BANK DETAILS Bank Name.....................Address.............Bank Account Number.................Route Number.................Account Type...................

Note that all these informations should be provided for reconfirmation to enable us wire your funds into your personal account else,your funds willbe wired into his account without any further delay.We await your urgent response today.With Best Regards,Dr.Anderson James The manager,Continental Bank Plc

I guess I saved the best for last. When I read this I wasn't sure if I was dead or alive. I'll have to get back to you on that!

If you got spam like this, why not share it? In this recession, we all need a laugh.