Squeaking Up

  Last month my husband must have been feeling pretty affectionate toward the dogs because when he was in the pet food aisle, he bought a TOY. Actually he bought TWO toys, one for Skittles and the other for Patches. These toys were stuffed animals that looked like squirrels. They were the same size, color, and fur texture as what inhabits our yard in great numbers. But the big attraction of these fake furries was the noise: they squeaked. When they came out of the bags and I had removed the tags, both dogs seized upon their new "prey" with a vengeance. Patches in particular grabbed it up into is mouth and bit on it hard, and there was the squeak. Oh happy dog! A new toy that could reward his efforts with a sound!

But his joy was short lived when after several weeks the noise stopped. No, it wasn't because Patches had lost interest in the toy. The little box-type device inside the squirrel simply stopped working. No more squeaks. So I took it away and introduced the second squirrel which Skittles had been fondling. Once again the toy produced its sound for a short time and then stopped. No more squeaks. Knowing that my husband had probably paid dearly for these toys, I would have expected them to last longer. But no amount of squeezing, petting, or otherwise fondling the toy would bring back its voice. Something had to be done! So I carefully inspected the toy with an eye to finding the manufacturer; it was the American Kennel Club©, or at least they had endorsed it. The actual company that created it was "Jakks Pacific ™". There was an address on the other side, so I composed the following:

JustMom.com
Tangled Oaks, PA.
October 27, 2007

Dear Sir or Madame,

The purpose of this letter is to bring to your attention the following:

Last month a toy squirrel was purchased from the Giant supermarket where we regularly shop. When we first opened the bags, removed the animals, and gave them to our dogs, they were ecstatic. It had all the attraction of the wild squirrels that live in abundance in our yard. While it did not "chatter", when a dog bit it there was a distinct "squeak" produced. The dog learned that "bite=squeak". Excited biting to produce the squeaking amused the dogs for hours on end. Then at night, the dogs would bring their squirrelly companions into bed to be cuddled and licked. My husband congratulated himself on finding a toy that "his" dogs loved. But then it happened; NO MORE SQUEAK!

This led to frantically examining the squirrels to see if a seam had opened and the "squeak" device dropped out. This had happened to another toy---the rabbit--which would require suturing along its back to restore the squeak capability. "Rabbit" had been sitting on my sewing desk for a month to have this life-restoring operation. I thought about it every time we went to bed and there was only one of those beloved squeaky toys. The dogs fought over who would get to sleep with Rabbit that night. Teeth were bared and little legs jumped up to grab poor Rabbit from the one who had it. For a while a squirrel substituted for the absent Rabbit, but that is no longer possible because the squirrels don't squeak!

Now bedtime is a grim affair. There are no stuffed squirrels to squeak. Squashing them with the teeth yields no welcomed noise. No amount of squirming, squeezing, or scuffling helps. And the dogs simply drop their heads and close their eyes. What am I to do? Skittles and Patches have learned sadly that dogs can't climb trees and that circling the trunks and barking won't bring their prey down to them. These furred substitutes, however, could be subdued. Canine self esteem could be restored. Being vicarious hunters was better than not hunting at all, but now even that was gone!

You are fortunate that I don't presently have any videos of my sad, deprived dogs. Because seeing them now, with no tales wagging at warp speed in anticipation of play hunting would break your heart. And you'd deserve it! I plan to contact the American Kennel Club© and report this merciless act of abuse to my dogs. If this letter sounds harsh, I apologize. But I just HAD to "Squeak Up".

Outraged owner,
JustMom



Just Mom

 


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